A Self Portrait ... That I actually like! :)

No Doubt - Excuse Me Mr.

Hello my name is Leah, and I have no mother.

Please allow me to explain...

(my mom holding me. I only have a handful of photos of her where she truly looks happy, her smile beaming with an energy that had so much power.... She was only 21 years old when this one was taken. 1984. It is so crazy to try to imagine being in her shoes at the age I am now... 26 and with a 5 year old. Ahh!)

Anyways.... This first part I'm about to write is not going to be all "rainbows and sunshine" by any means. But I promise, this blog post ends with a vivid description of one of the most pivotal moments of my life and one of the happiest memories I have of her.

To whom it may concern

(dear friends of mine, you know who you are):

I see my friends with their moms, and all of the conflicts and the love that exist between them... And I cant help but wonder just how it would be if my mom would have been able to find the strength to carry on - to live through and find her way out of the darkness that swallowed her both slowly and quickly at the same time. What kind of person would i be? The same? Or completely different? She died before i was old enough to discover what it is like to deal with or experience ANY of very typical and common mother-daughter moments, the good and the bad, conflicts and issues, the teenage girl vs. Her mother rebellion bullshit, all of the important bonding time. You know how no matter how much any of you guys may get upset, irritated, frustrated, etc. Or how rocky your relationship is... You still have her.... Remember that... everyone has moments throughout their life that make them just really want to reach out to their mommys, and just get a mommy kind of hug. I will never have that luxury... And it really fucking sucks to be that girl in a group of life long girl friends that is the only one whose mom is dead and has been for more years then I have been alive and to top it off- the whole great big picture of the story has never been told really until now because who wants to feel like it would make them the party pooper Debbie downer friend that is pitied and noone ever knows what to say in a not good kind of speechless way. And awkwardness ensues and eventually things just become assumed about me because of it, my behavior is scrutinized, it's a bigger deal if i am seeming at my worst than for anyone else, everyone is morbidly curious but at the same time doesn't really want to hear it more than once or twice. Any more mini breakdowns past that must equal she is depressed and has issues and needs professional help and I'll listen and let her vent about this thing once maybe twice, but three ? No. Baseball rules apply. If not directly then indirectly in some way or just secretly cuz Oh no! Fragile Leah just won't be able to keep it together, let's all Always expect it and then overwhelmingly project the emotional energy of that collective expectation without realizing it probably, and then I can walk in the thickly filled room and immediately feel it all before hellos are even said. And it's not like I can say that in the moment, challenge it, cuz I don't kkow how to explain it without wondering If I'm thought of as crazy or or delusional or something. I'm an empath, like Deanna Troy was on star trek the next generation style, except there is no on/off switch for me completely.

This is why I have the urge to run away from and avoid situations and events and gatherings which i know will make me more sensitive to feeling the brutal impact and gravity of the fact that unlike everyone else in the room, i am motherless. That she will never be around to call in times when i really need her, she will never be there in the most pivotal and profound moments and milestones of my life, and it is depressing as hell to feel bombarded with reminders of all of this and more, invoking any and all of the "little orphan leah" feelings that overwhelm me at times. So yeah, please don't take it personally if i opt out of or leave early from things at times. I'm doing it out of love for you, I don't need to or want to bring or put that kind of energy into the room and burden everyone with that which I can not change.

Does that provide enough explanation as to why I am the way I am sometimes?? I had to say it/express it somehow especially to the handful of girls that I have known and been friends with since the days of ghetto hills ... Middle school. Ha. I love you all, I hope you know! Thanks for sticking by my side through the thick and thin of it all, I am aware of how frustrating I can be and I apologize. But keep in mind that I frustrate myself so much more than i could ever frustrate anyone else.... so all please continue to be supportive and there for me, unconditionally... as I am for you... for ALWAYS! Also, feel free to ask me anything when it comes to my mom. I may have bottled it all up inside from age 11-17/18... But I can honestly say that I have grown and evolved into a wiser, brighter, more resilient, and more open and willing to share almost anything, especially with those who I trust and hold very dearly and closest to my heart and soul - soul friends of mine... You know who you are... I am okay. I promise. I can even look back on all the ridiculous bullshit that I was forced to grow up with, no matter how depressing it is, and find ways to use my notoriously blunt/uh oh! Leah's filter is off! Beeeeeep. Incoming... Sense of humor to power through the times that are tough... but more importantly, the quote " I'll get by with a little help from my friends... "speaks volumes for me personally. I need you guys. Especially when it seems like I am trying to be as distant as possible... when I go MIA like that, it's a pretty good sign that I could use a reminder that i don't totally suck as a person and can stop being anti-social because behaving like that is counter-productive and just plain ridiculous. At least I am aware of it and can acknowledge that about myself in a completely honest way.

I can't help but wonder endlessly.... in my own brutally in your face way of publicly pondering...

What was going through her mind as she tied the make shift noose around her neck and jumped off the ledge of life? There are so many unanswered and unanswerable questions that race through my mind time after time, especially in moments like this - in this quarter life place that I am smack dab in the middle of..How could she so impulsively and seemingly thoughtlessly just leave this earth... Leave me, her 11 year old daughter, without even saying goodbye. I talked to her just hours before, and I just knew deep down somehow that I would never hear her voice again. I kept her on the phone as long as I could, making her promise over and over that I would see her tomorrow... And she did. She promised me. How could she do that if there was some dark and deadly master plan already in place? I didn't believe her. I KNEW. I woke up the next morning to the sound of my grandparents phone ringing and my heart immediately felt broken and shattered into a million tiny pieces. I didn't have to be told what had happened, I already knew. I ran upstairs crying and hyperventilating, hoping that this was just another dream and that I would soon wake up, as I had before. Each night that made up The week before she died was filled with prophetic dreams. In each one she had died in a different way, but the message and the theme was always the same. I remember asking my dad to just slap my face really hard or pinch me, my 11 yr old mind did not know how to process the reality of the situation, i remember rocking back in forth on my bed telling myself over and over "wake up Leah, this has to be a dream, wake up... Wake up... Wake up...". My dad didn't know how to comfort me, how could he? I was inconsolable... No comfort could be felt, I went numb, and silent, and disappeared inside myself for a while... It was the only way I could live through the moment, the day, the week, the month... Hell the year afterwards in it's entirety. My soul felt so tortured, so abandoned, so invisible and so incredibly crushed and low. It was as if I was drowning, but not in any body of water ....this time...

It should be noted that I have almost drowned twice in my life, despite being an incredibly strong swimmer. The first time was in the wave pool at noahs ark in Wisconsin dells... I remember the feeling of pure panic as I found myself suddenly without an inner tube at the very deepest end and unable to keep my head above water... Artificial waves almost took me out that day. And noone even seemed to notice my need of being rescued. There were so many people surrounding me, it was a really hot day, the wave pool was PACKED... I was pushed under further by anonymous people each time that I managed to find my way to the surface... To find an open area... I will never forget the view of countless yellow and blue tubes and pairs of thrashing legs above me... Literally kicking me as I struggled to find some air, to survive, to live. I didn't want to die. Certainly not like that. 6 or 7 years old. I remember thinking that this just could not be, that I had not come all the way into this world and life just to die without yet having the chance to make a difference, to fulfill some innate purpose that this old and wise soul of mine was finally ready to set out and eventually accomplish what it could not or was not given enough time to accomplish in the lives it had lived before I was born into this one. Somehow my mom must have sensed my immediate need to be found, that I was in danger. Somehow she was able to see me and reach me and pull me up and out of that evil pool of fake waves which tried to swallow me up. The life guards did not even notice me, a drowning child whose arms would flail dramatically each time I managed to swallow some air instead of the overly chlorinated water all around me. That was what I believe to be my first near death experience, if not for my mom and her seemingly magical ability to pull me to safety, almost as if she had somehow found me magnetically. In hindsight, as i reflect back on this specific memory, it is obvious to me that my mother was more than just a person, she was extraordinary. Her intuition was uncanny, just like mine is and always has been... Growing stronger every day.

Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket

Yep, this pretty much describes how i'm feeling right now.... I don't care what anyone thinks of alanis morisette, but lyrically - she really is genius so there!! :)

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

Why Post This???? Because what doesn't KILL YOU really does make you stronger...Knowledge is POWER!

This Video examines the controversial military program based on Tesla technology, the name it has been given sounds innocent enough in the form of it's acronym, sure: 

H.A.A.R.P. (The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program)

but no, it is not an innocent little government side project at all.  I had no idea this even existed! And I bet anyone who may be reading this doesn't know either! And that is scary as hell.  For the sake of humanity, please take a serious look into it as I have and WAKE UP , OPEN YOUR EYES - know what your tax dollars are being used to fund.  This video explores this "government program" and its' possible effects on weather and use in mind control.  But there is more to it than just that.  This is a WEAPON.  A REAL LIFE, I shit you not, DEATH RAY! This is not science fiction.

"We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated governments in the world no longer a government of free opinion, no longer a government by conviction and vote of the majority, but a government by the opinion and duress of small groups of dominant men."

- Woodrow Wilson

As anyone who knows me personally can corroborate, I am an avid researcher of many things.  I am a student of life, to put it simply.  To be a total nerd and quote the "X-Files"... THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE... and I am determined to uncover it and not allow myself to be a part of the population that blindly and ignorantly moves through life just accepting everything they are told and have been spoon fed by the media and other horribly biased sources of "news".  

My point is that there are SO MANY things that are going on that no one really knows about because, apparently, it is more important for the "news" to report on the latest mind numbing celebrity gossip - tabloid style - in a repetivive manner... coining phrases that are universally used by what seems like every media outlet.  Hmmm... it is obvious to me, as a certified behavioral analyst, that this is deliberate and an attempt at providing a form of mass distraction in order to keep the masses uninformed and blissfully ignorant to what is REALLY going on around the world - it is not hard to use MANIPULATION and PROPAGANDA as a way of creating a sense of "group think".  

Well, I see through that bull shit quite easily.  And there's no way I could find out about something like this, H.A.A.R.P, and not look at it from every angle.  And so I will.  Take that Mr. Government, if I could punch you in the face I would... but my fist isn't big enough for that.  Also, I'm a pacifist who believes that violence is not the answer, has never been the answer, and never will be.  Violence begets Violence.  Plain and simple.  There's a reason why World War 1 did not succeed in it's mission to be "the war to end all wars".  This is not debateable, given that 30 years later the world found itself amidst a 2nd World War.  And then, conveniently, even more wars with each generation... to name a few: The Korean War, The Vietnam War, The Gulf War of the 1990's, The Current War going on in Iraq and the middle east RIGHT NOW... 

I mean really??? When will we learn that HISTORY ALWAYS REPEATS ITSELF.... if we let it.  If we do not learn from it and then use that experience to evolve as human beings grow from it, truly progress as we are capable of progressing. 

But what do I know, right? I'm just a 26 year old woman who is still addressed as a being "just a girl" in many situations.  Well, yeah, so? Why does that make what I have to say any less relevent? What makes so many people think that being female equals some sort of weakness in comparison to being male?? That women ought to be subordinate and paid less than a man is paid in any job or field, despite having the same experience and qualifications for instance?? WTF is up with that, society?? Let's not forget that it is because of women and the enormous amount of strength that we possess both physically and mentally that we are all here in the first place.  SO in the words of Gwen Stefani during any live No Doubt show when performing the song "Just A Girl"... 

"You May Say I'm A Dreamer... But I'm Not The Only One" - to help illustrate this intensely darkish mood of mine: A Perfect Circle - Imagine

Hahahahahahaha... Yes. Bert & Ernie tries Gangsta-Rap

Flobots - Rise

 

So much pain
We don't know how to be but angry
Feel infected like we've got gangrene
Please don't let anybody try to change me

Me, just me, in the middle of a sea full of faces
Full of faces, some laugh, some salivate
What's in your alleyway
Recycling bins or bullet cases?

It's not equal, it's not fair
We're different people but we're not scared
We ain't never scared to pave a new path
Make a new street, build a new bridge

Say, can you see by the dawns early light?
Free slaves running, songs words weren't right
Now, a new days coming
The few stay stunning while the many are handsome
Your soul is alive but they want it for ransom

The bass drumming is the anthem
We step to the heartbeats
Of our granddaughters and grandsons
And

Rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise

Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise

Lost hope and found need
Grounded by our surroundings
Did the walls scream, universities
Or you and I verse the tees?

React, automatic and we burst when squeezed
And make 9-11 each emergency
Urgency, amber to red like the turning leaves
Oh please, let the hurting cease

Don't let apathy police the populace
We will march across
Those stereotypes that were marked for us
The answer's obvious, we switch the consonants
And change the sword to words and lift continents

Rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise

Rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise
Together we rise, together we rise

If you believe in redemption
(Rise, rise)
I'm calling to you from another dimension
(Rise, rise)

If you believe in redemption
(Rise, rise)
I'm calling to you from another dimension
(Rise, rise)

If you believe in redemption
(Rise, rise)
I'm calling to you from another dimension
(Rise, rise)

If you believe in redemption
(Rise, rise)
I'm calling to you from another dimension
(Rise, rise)

Read more: http://www.metrolyrics.com/rise-lyrics-flobots.html#ixzz118kZIcEv

Which one of these words did I totally laugh out loud to immediately upon reading it?!?

LOL! Try to use it in a sentence, it doesn't work at all as a replacement for the word "quiet" in any way that I can think of...

So random!!!

GeoTagged, [N43.11856, E87.91712]

Blah blah
Yippity yap
I can't sleep... Ha.
Imagine that.

And the surprise inside?? Ha! I wouldn't call a short mini semi questionable biography, along with a picture... of Ben Franklin...?...! What ?? Really "cracker jacks" inside the box prize decider people?!? What a bullshit "prize". wanted a decoder ring dammit!! What has this world come to?!!? Lol. Plus, the cracker jacks were stale and kinda tasted like cardboard. Atleast I got a kinda cool iPhone all purpose kind of photo out of it. But still ...

Not cool or awesome or even a 3 dimensional object. Way to cheap out!

Haha. That's all I have to say about that.

Good day to all and all a great night!

April 29, 1992

Ah yes, I love it. I do, I do. I was 8 years old in 1992, but when the song came out I was 12... and it instantly became an all time favorite song of mine. Among many other Sublime songs, of course. Worthy of sharing, I'd say! My how far away all that this song and this video references seems to be but also how close the possibility of history repeating itself in some way such as this eerily looms... silently... hopefully society has learned from such experience (although it never seems to do so, remaining cyclical in nature, each generation somehow naive and blind to the clear and obvious patterns... sigh) and doesn't choose the path that inevitably leads to our eyes seeing the sights of these same kind of scenes... in the future that is yet to be...

I Love Rainbows Yes I do, I Love Rainbows... How About YOU?

Niagara Falls Rainbows | Niagara Parks, Canada

I say we bring back the lunar rainbows! Turn off the lights, dammit! :)

This is where I would normally attach a photo... except I was not alive in the mid-1860's to take one...now if only I could get my hands on the Time Traveling Delorian from Back To The Future...well then that changes everything! I totally would do that too.  Travel back in time just to take a photo. LOL. That might violate my earlier argument against time travel though... due to the butterfly effect... dammit! 

Niagara Falls is a great location for rainbows (or solar bows) as sunshine reflects off the mist from the Falls and delights our many visitors with a beautiful show of colours.   Over one hundred years ago, Niagara Falls was also one of the best locations in the world to view night rainbows or lunar bows - a rainbow created by the light of the moon shining on the mist created by the Falls.

When lunar bows were last reported in the mid-1860s, the phenomenon was described as pale in comparison to the daytime rainbows, consisting of just three ghostly arches.  They were best seen when the moon was full and high and the sky clear of clouds.  One of the best locations to view this phenomenon was Luna Island (apparently so named because of the lunar bow) on the American side of the river.  Luna Island is accessible via a pedestrian bridge from Goat Island and divides the American and Bridal Veil Falls.

A few references to early lunar bows are noteworthy. The Niagara Gazette, in describing the tightrope walk of Signor Farini, wrote “it was worthy of note that during the trip over and back a beautiful Lunar Bow hung over him, its end reaching the water, some fifty feet each side of his cable. He may claim it was as a bow of promise - as a happy augury of success?”

Another article written for the Niagara Gazette, July 16, 1856, stated “the Maid of the Mist will make trips in the evening when the weather is suitable, for the purpose of taking those who wish to view the Lunar Bow.”

Unfortunately, it is not likely a lunar bow will appear today, for a few different reasons.  Firstly, the Falls have been illuminated each night since 1925.   Since the 1950s, less water has been going over the Falls during the evenings, as much of Niagara’s water is diverted to produce electricity, creating less mist for the moonlight to reflect on.  And finally, the night skies over Niagara are not as dark as years ago, due to the bright lights of the cities of Niagara Falls Ontario and New York. 

Although lunar bows are no longer visible, rainbows make regular appearances throughout the year, in the late afternoon of sunny days.

This is kind of ridiculous, but i have to get it out and vent it. LOL!

Dear Miss Kitten Face OJ (Orange Juice),

 Yeah you... this is directed to you OJ! Your face looks a little guilty there... hmm i wonder why... ??

this is a call and public order for you to stop deliberately shitting on the floor right outside the litterbox, which I keep clean so you have no excuse there, PLEASE just stop it! Go inside the littler box.  The floor is not a place for you to shit on.  And I am so sick of now actually catching you in the act, and i can tell by the look on your face that you are purposely doing it and that you know you aren't supposed to but will keep doing anyway because of some sort of litter box rivalry between you and Sephie or something all of a sudden.  EWWWW multiplied by GROOOOOOOSSSSS is what it is for me to have to clean up your shitty new repetitive behavior that you've decided to take on.  I will reward you for if you stop it, otherwise until you figure out that this shit is not cool and as long as you live under my roof you will have the decency and respect to not just shit on the floor all willy nilly like it's normal and you are entitled to do so.  You know better OJ.  Come on....  So please just go back to obsessively scratching at the sides of it after you have done your business for a half our in total OCD fashion, I would rather have to deal with the sound of that then this new behavior.  I think its that you are trying to be a little butthead about sharing the box with Sephie all of a sudden out of nowhere.  And I'm sure I'm right, that what this all boils down to is some catty little queen of the litter box battle between you two.  Stop antagonizing Sephie OJ, and Sephie - stop making OJ feel like she has to be antagonizing towards you because she has learned that this is how she can get a reaction out of you.  Go play together nicely or something.  Perhaps if you see a bug or spider in the house or something, you can find common ground by working together to capture said gross bug and then feel a collective sense of accomplishment and teamwork and comradeship.  Just give up on the rivaly bullshit guys, come on.  It's been long enough, you have been sisters for almost 2 years now - the adjustment period excuse is no longer valid.      If I were Sephie and I had to go and then when i got to he spot to go i am forced to step over your smelly poo, I would be irritated and want to come find you and chase you away and bat at your face and then chase you more.  Which is exactly what you want, isn't it OJ? You are such a little attention seeker... that even negative attention from sephie is good attention to you.  

SIGH.

This is going to take a lot of time ... performing successful behavior modification on a cat who we are pretty sure has OCD and is also Autistic.  (seriously, i'm not kidding at all!) Good thing I am forever equipped with such skills and abilities and know how and insight and intuition to successfully resolve this crappy little behavior problem of yours ----- i just need to figure out what would be motivating enough for you to stop even thinking about wanting to shit on the floor ever again.  Treats won't work, you'll just yarf those up on the blanket i'm not finished crocheting or something - haha... you can't eat any other food besides Fromme Foods otherwise you puke it all up... so the most common #1 reinforcer for quick results is already out of the running...  hm.. all i know is that you need to stop it and stop it quick! there is no reason for it! at all! i guess if i have to get another litter bos and set it up somewhere that is what i will do.. but that isn't ideal b/c that means more work for me and the possibility of you just doing the same thing with a different one as you are doing now with just the one box.   

And it's not like i can't just leave it there and not clean it up, that's disgusting and not even an option at all.... i can't make you clean it up yourself right after you do it because you are not equipped with thumbs ... lol... 

I can't believe that it is 3:10 AM and I am writing a letter to one of my cats in this blog of mine that NO ONE reads and who knows if anyone ever will... I've only shared the address with 2 people so far.  Michelle and Mikey and I still have 0 "followers" according to the bottom of the page here.  That just sounds so pathetic! to have 0 people interested in what you have to say sometimes... lol.  WOW - time for me to do something productive now I think or go the fuck to sleep.  GEESH! 

:o) Peace, Love, and Vegetables Party People that Don't Exist Yet in my Blogger crew.. But Maybe Will Someday and read this and yeah .....? lol! 

Farewell for now, 

Leah Bo Beah

The Iron Horse Hotel At Night, Adorned With Magical Lights

GeoTagged, [N43.14144, E87.93652]

It's the small but beautifully graceful details that i feel many tend to overlook in general, this tendency to SEE but not actually appreciate and perceive all that silently exists as objects within a backdrop, just the odds and ends and the pieces of a scene ...

or so it would seem...

caught up and comfortably tangled

amidst a celebration such as this one, on a night in which the fire flies of July seemed to resemble the countless stars that have undoubtedly been wished upon many times...

Each wish, it would seem, being symbollically granted

as they fall from above,

drunk with a love

that naturally illuminates in all directions..

above and below,

beside and behind,

Eventually disappearing from sight

Seeking to find their destined place in history...

To remain forever frozen

Deep within an invisible realm 

 tightly bound by the threads 

 that link what it is that we think we know to that which we believe 

to the land which resides through the looking glass 

  just behind and in-between the ticks and the tocks of time...

Seconds which pass by us so quickly

whirling and swirling within the atmosphere that a perfectly wonderful wedding reception can provide :)

I love you Mark and Lisa Jasso, the latest of my lovey dovey friends to tie the knot in inspiring fashion, announcing their love with vows and bountiful celebration :)

Just One of the many Photographs I shot on July 24, 2010, a night which was profoundly inspiring, and full of magical energy. How could I not partake in forever preserving such a romantically inspired moment in time? Pieces of the world and life as I view it... behind these eyes of mine...Blue like the sky, which inevitably and always seem to find something that must be documented and framed for all to see as I do, Through the looking glass of my camera lens... I am Always passionately searching for ways to accurately capture all that has meaning as I perceive them within my already very visual mind.

__________________________________________________________

Photograph above is a Leah Original :) 
© 2010 Leah Shepard | Through The Looking Glass Photography.

Prints available for purchase at discounted prices to anyone who appreciates any my photos, simply express any interest and I will deliver to you a little piece of my heart and soul :)

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World (Subtitulada al Español)

Sigh... This Version As Well Of Course... Gets Me Every Single Time... 

Such A Sap I am :)

OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

This Is and Always Will Be My One Of My Absolute Favorite Songs ----- Ever! 


Whenever I hear this song I can't help but smile both on the outside AND on the inside :o) 


Someday I'll Wish Upon A Star
And Wake Up Where The Clouds Are Far Behind Me
Where Trouble Melts Like Lemon Drops 
High Above The Chimney Tops
That's Where You'll Find Me.... 

Speaking of the Butterfly Effect...

GeoTagged, [N43.14553, E87.93283]

How lovely it is to see

a bright orange butterfly

Posing and Patiently waiting for me

To Document it's existence

And appreciate it's beauty ...

A symbolic reminder of

The importance of time

And the places I find

Hidden behind the obvious

Seemingly lost beyond each and every moment that passes us by

In this fleeting world

Constantly in flux and

Drenched in uncertainty

For what the future holds....who knows?

We can only wait and see

with our eyes wide open

and ready to lead....

Flutter by, butterfly... Thanks so much for visiting me!

Tick Tock Goes The Clock

My how time seems frozen and passes so slow when one is free falling down the rabbit hole :o)

I figured it was about time I start this life as i see it and experience it mixed with some of my photography type blog, better late then never I suppose! I think I'll blame it on that tricky white rabbit, always getting all worked up and anxious.. losing things that he needs along the way.

Obviously, I am and always have been very enamored by Alice's Adventures In Wonderland - it has inspired so many, sometimes without them even realizing it! It provides the perfect amount of imagination and inspiration to invoke a cash crop of creativity within me and my brain, my spirit just has to direct me to where I am supposed to go next down this very curious path I call life.

I thought this photo of this clock, which hangs in the living room of my wonderful boyfriend's place would be a perfect visual display to illustrate how very wordy and impatient I unintentionally am. This clock is a powerful symbol for me, it represents my extreme difficulty to finally learn how to become more PATIENT. Patient with myself, with others, with society, with our nation, with the world in general.. and most of all patient when it comes to trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe, like I do all the time! I have to stop myself at a certain point because I feel like my mind is literally going to BLOW! AH! It's just so crazy, this world we all live in and share.

What is TIME really anyway? Is it even real? Or is it something that the ancient people who came before us just up and decided proclaim its existence? Someone has to do it, I suppose... and the whole idea of it coming from the minds of the earliest of humans is genius really. I imagine a tribe of cavemen and cave women, with minds purely open to absorbing all that they see, surrounding a blazing fire and staring up at the sky, grunting amongst one another as they try to decipher what exactly all those clusters of light and dots of brightness are and how it is that they scatter the darkness of an unpolluted night sky... Perhaps it was seen as a comfort and reminder or as a message from tiny little pieces of sun who are unable to go to sleep like the big glowing sphere that always seems to mark something unnamed or defined but is understood as being divinely significant as it falls lower and lower in the sky like clockwork, eventually providing a constant pattern by which to rely on .... Perhaps symbolizing that place which magically exists as an in-between realm- an unimaginable space that separates the reign of their beloved fertile light leaving them and then emergence of a sudden darkness blankets and takes over the sky.... Leaving them cold and blinder to the land which surrounds them....

Perhaps this is what triggered the genius behind the seemingly futile effort of finding a way to create a kind of sun inspired replacement warming light that would last through each night until daybreak. This must have undoubtably been full of the frustration that accompany the failures of trial and error. Especially without technology or any prior knowledge to build upon. Until finally, someone has the idea that maybe all those rocks everywhere were more than just perplexing hard masses which just lay there purposelessly... And so it is found that striking two together creates a sparkle of magic. An A Ha moment, maybe the first to have ever been had, that maybe those sparks of light have the power to yield more light by setting pieces of dry branches and brush ablaze with fire. How momentously elating that moment of creation must of been, how gratifying and inspiring and mind blowing and magical. I'm sure there was a great orgy of celebration and dancing around this amazing and entrancing first and newly born fire. Their brains becoming more powerful as neurons begin shooting across like stars making new connections like fireworks in the sky. Making it possible to continue advancing as a tribe with new ideas flowing out, documenting each one by finding and using natural pigments as paint that has stood the test of time. Painting it all along the walls of the
caves that safely enclose them and seem to protect them from the darkness, for they have found a way to create their own sun and keep it where they sleep.