I have no idea what to title this.

A little something I wrote a month ago that am anxiously sharing now.  When I wrote it I was inspired by Eminem a tad, so try to have a beat going in your head ... Lol. Eek. 

Sometimes I feel as if I'm actually invisible

As if maybe somehow I stumbled and tripped over my own self and now I am falling

I'm Falling and falling 

Into some kind of massive void 

A black hole in the universe 

That only I could trip into 

Because.. Yes I know, 

I'm so fucking clumsy 

This void is a vacuum and it's Pulling me further and further into what seems to be a never ending space of darkness that goes on for an eternity 

Where all matter that enters immediately becomes void

Of any ability to simply be visible 

To those that are around me 

Transforming my scribbly energy into something that is stuck in an endlessly frustrating and confusing  place much like Purgatory

I exist but I don't, 

Because when I speak no one hears me and when I am around 

No one can see me

I'm not dead 

I'm not Really alive either 

Instead I'm just stuck in a hopeless state of 

utter 

invisibility 

non-existence  

A bottomless eternity of pressure and the pain 

And exhaustion from being pulled in opposing directions for far too long to be able to maintain a sense and appearance of composure and strength

When really that strength has become a great weakness 

I am my own nemesis 

I will tear myself apart and dwell on only the negative things 

Because that's what everyone else seems to acknowledge about me, 

The times I make even the smallest of mistakes are treated as if I am failings

At life in general and basically just being a person of value with skills that are worth publicly appreciating in some way or some shape or some form of praise 

For all of the good things I do for others in my life or how I can't help but go above and beyond with the most important of things - 

Finding ways to Pay it forward daily 

Hoping that maybe someday karma will repay me amazingly 

I'm sorry I abandoned you blog, But I'm back. Hear me roar.

This didn't fit in the profile section.. pshh.. Character Limit Shmaracter shlimit. 

I keep saying that one day i'm going to write a book so.. i'm sick of just saying that and am now going to begin DOING it - starting out with this bloggy blog here, to test the waters and create a space where I can type out my thoughts and feelings and impressions and opinions and observations and philosophical theories and takes on life in general that flow in and out of my mind regularly but until now have remained undocumented.. i'm starting to think that perhaps i should start doing just that.  So I will.  And it will be uncensored and unfiltered and in the RAW - kinda like a transcript of whats going on in my head at any particular moment in time where I will put it down in words instead of just saying "i should really write that down" and then don't - or do, but then lose whatever it is i wrote it on. haha.  Keep in mind that everything that does end up on here is completely from the heart and written with great passion and compassion and honesty and just ... the me that I don't let many people see or am not given the chance to show - all layed out in a totally random and in no particular order kind of way, of course.  But maybe it'll be cool and people will want to read it and maybe some things will make an impact somehow somewhere - only time will tell i suppose. Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

I'm so passionate about writing but also intensely passionate when it comes to photography.  It invokes the poetry within  the very core of all that is me; and as a result, inspires me to document said poetic musings in my writing.  The following is a clear multi layered example of what I'm trying to explain, freestyle:

Photography and the art of documenting all that my eyes have managed to experience and find...effectively exposing each moment that inspires me...that somehow strikes me and compels me
to capture and create an image of historical proof some random existence -
some small piece truth (because the camera never lies...)
forever freezing all that I see and all that i find,  from the grotesque to the things that perplex...
the complex and the simple.. the tragic and the magical.. moments of celebration and of course,
all that is beautifully divine...
basically anything
that catches my eye...
blue like the sky
and always observing the
moments which exist
beside us and around us
chaotically colliding 
in this climactically sporadic crazy fucked up world..
i aim to discover what is and what i believe to be a world which thrives invisibly, differently...
worlds that are all around us,
perhaps there are many layers of existence beyond that which we know...
many realms that are unseen, i would like to find the ability to skip amongst these places and spaces in which i have affectionately named the "in-betweens"
of what we as a species  perceive and what we dream.
Connecting the two together in search of a greater meaning.  :)

RANDOMNESS OF THE DAY PART 1

I really love making charts. All kinds of charts.. Pie Charts... Bar Charts... Scatter Charts... Line Charts... Venn Diagram Charts.. FLOW CHARTS!.. INFOGRAPHICS!... If I had my way and the time and the energy and the attention span, I would have charts made for everything.. Just like Marshall in this clip from an episode of How I Met Your Mother.

Randomness of the day PART ONE has now concluded. Carry on with your day as normal. I'm not a crazy person, I swear. Charts are fun ways to visually represent complex things, DAMMIT! So all you chart haters out there .... SHUT YOUR FACE HOLES! You cray.