A little something I wrote a month ago that am anxiously sharing now. When I wrote it I was inspired by Eminem a tad, so try to have a beat going in your head ... Lol. Eek.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm actually invisible
As if maybe somehow I stumbled and tripped over my own self and now I am falling
I'm Falling and falling
Into some kind of massive void
A black hole in the universe
That only I could trip into
Because.. Yes I know,
I'm so fucking clumsy
This void is a vacuum and it's Pulling me further and further into what seems to be a never ending space of darkness that goes on for an eternity
Where all matter that enters immediately becomes void
Of any ability to simply be visible
To those that are around me
Transforming my scribbly energy into something that is stuck in an endlessly frustrating and confusing place much like Purgatory
I exist but I don't,
Because when I speak no one hears me and when I am around
No one can see me
I'm not dead
I'm not Really alive either
Instead I'm just stuck in a hopeless state of
utter
invisibility
non-existence
A bottomless eternity of pressure and the pain
And exhaustion from being pulled in opposing directions for far too long to be able to maintain a sense and appearance of composure and strength
When really that strength has become a great weakness
I am my own nemesis
I will tear myself apart and dwell on only the negative things
Because that's what everyone else seems to acknowledge about me,
The times I make even the smallest of mistakes are treated as if I am failings
At life in general and basically just being a person of value with skills that are worth publicly appreciating in some way or some shape or some form of praise
For all of the good things I do for others in my life or how I can't help but go above and beyond with the most important of things -
Finding ways to Pay it forward daily
Hoping that maybe someday karma will repay me amazingly
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